Sharky Dog Love: Hotel Marlowe
Step aside, puny humans.
You may wear the pants, but at Hotel Marlowe the pets are King.
Listen, people, it's time you faced the truth: Compared to most species on the planet, you're pathetic. No fur, no claws, useless nubs of teeth, and only two legs? —Sure, you have opposable thumbs! A gigantic brain! A bicameral legislature! Don't make me laugh.
- When you take us on vacation, we want our own beds. With fuzzy fleece blankets. And, for the cats amongst us, scratching posts. Or we will make your furniture pay when we get home.
- If we enjoy the beds, blankets, and scratching posts, we want you to buy them for us and bring them home.
- We want a basket of treats in our room.
- On our birthdays, we want custom-baked birthday cakes with our names written on them in aromatic chicken-liver-based icing.
- Most importantly, we want well-trained hotel staff who scratch us where we're ticklish and let us sniff them wherever we want.
Don’t stay at this hotel if: You had a scarring childhood experience that somehow involved a toy poodle, a kayak, and a Boston accent.