Sharky Dog Love: Hotel Marlowe
Step aside, puny humans.
You may wear the pants, but at Hotel Marlowe the pets are King.
Listen, people, it's time you faced the truth: Compared to most species on the planet, you're pathetic. No fur, no claws, useless nubs of teeth, and only two legs? —Sure, you have opposable thumbs! A gigantic brain! A bicameral legislature! Don't make me laugh.
The folks at Hotel Marlowe in Boston, Massachusetts, understand the law of the jungle. We pets eat your shoes to prove that we could eat your entire family anytime we like, and if you don't start providing the finer things pronto, the consequences will be dire.
Here are our demands:
- When you take us on vacation, we want our own beds. With fuzzy fleece blankets. And, for the cats amongst us, scratching posts. Or we will make your furniture pay when we get home.
- If we enjoy the beds, blankets, and scratching posts, we want you to buy them for us and bring them home.
- We want a basket of treats in our room.
- On our birthdays, we want custom-baked birthday cakes with our names written on them in aromatic chicken-liver-based icing.
- Most importantly, we want well-trained hotel staff who scratch us where we're ticklish and let us sniff them wherever we want.
We aren't without mercy. In return, you'll get all the pathetic human stuff you enjoy, too. Like free kayak and bike rentals. In-room massages. Astronaut ice cream in the mini-bar. Leopard-print rugs and robes to help you cling to your illusions of species dominance. In fact, go ahead and tell yourself you're staying at the Hotel Marlowe for yourself, and the pet-friendly touches are just a bonus.
As long as you take us along to the free wine happy hour in the lobby, we'll let you believe anything you want.
Stay at this hotel if: You have to tell anyone getting into your car, “I know it’s cold out there, but Daisy really likes to stick her head out the window.”
Don’t stay at this hotel if: You had a scarring childhood experience that somehow involved a toy poodle, a kayak, and a Boston accent.
