Sharky Scare Attraction: The London Bridge Experience
Serious scare-tourism tactics.
There are tame haunted houses and lame torture museums. And then there’s the London Bridge Experience
Let’s be honest, kids are harder to scare than they used to be. Not only do we live in the age of de-hazarded plastic playgrounds (read: boring playgrounds), but the constant barrage of violence in television and video games has steadily desensitized our children to the classic elements of horror.
Zombies? They’ve been killing them for years in Call of Duty expansion packs.
Aliens? They never seem to stick around, especially if Will Smith is involved.
Vampires? Twilight pretty much sucked all the scary out of anything with fangs.
So how do you instill an I-need-to-move-back-into-my-older-brother’s-room-for-the-next-month type of fear in your innocent children?
Take them to the London Bridge Experience.
Here are three reasons we’re calling the London Bridge Experience sharky:
- Location: the LBE was built upon an original “Plague Pit”, and has bones dating back to the 12th Century. Nothing says “fear” like bones riddled with Black Death. (Parenting tip: After you’ve taken your kids through the attraction, tell them the bones are still contagious and there’s no cure!)
- A lengthy history of death and torture: The London Bridge has been used to punish, maim, and otherwise inconvenience felons and reprobates for centuries. It’s good to give fear a factual basis. Makes the threats seem more real.
- British acting: Sure, lots of places have reenactments and people in makeup. But what happens when you combine swords and blood with a Shakespearean theatre background? Fear that you can see, taste, hear, and feel. That’s what.
So, if you want to bring back some old-fashioned fear, take your kids for a stroll through the London Bridge Experience. Trust us. Screaming is good for them.
Visit the London Bridge experience if: The alternative is taking an unauthorized tour of an abandoned coal mine. At night.
Don’t visit the London Bridge experience if: You had a relative imprisoned in the London Bridge. That might get emotional in the wrong way.